Sometime

and in between arguments and fights
some where in between distance and time
I lost you
between words
sometime when you never came back
somewhere between lies
I decided I was done

Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen

" but i was sure of something, too: it's a lot easier to be lost then found. It's the reason we're always searching, and rarely discovered---so many locks, not enough keys." pq 365

perfect

we stumble to find the perfect words
but i am no longer looking
words are over rated
just show me
show me everything
the world our love
our life show me everything
i need a perfect day

Where I was

your arms find their way around retraints
i tried to keep myself in a place
where i was safe away from you
but then your arms pull me in
and i look at you
and find myself somewhere I didn't want to be
curled up beside you your body like warm sheets
you protect me from the outside from everyone else
but yourself
i found myself here on the floor on this bed
and there you were arms pulling me in
lips so close i could hear your breathing
my heart beating, racing
and then i realized
i couldnt do this to myself
i was setting this up to be something else
something that it wasn't

Table of Contents - 5

April - Best friends for Never
May - The Dark Ages
June - Realizing
July - "And as quick as it came, it went"
Auqust - Raw
September- Finding myself
October - Happy
November - The Past
December - Distance
January - The Future

John Mayer

good to know its all a qame dissapointment has a name its heartbreak warfare - Heartbreak warfare

love is really nothing but a dream that keeps waking me - Edge of desire

If I were free

and if i could be free
from this world
from the things that hold me
how would it be ?
would i do what i please
i could walk through grassy fields
look at the birds and the bee's
i could lay there &
let the world take me in
i could sit on my rooftop
watch the stars so bright
on summer nights
i could sing in the streets
without a look from a stranger
with out comments or remarks
i could be me, if i were free
i could watch the snow flakes fall
fall from the tree`s like the orange
and red leaves on autumn afternoon's
i could watch the rain
slap against my window pane
i could sit there for days
i could be me if i were free

Standstill

i pressed delete again
the computer asked if i was sure
well am i ?
everything thats missing
everything i've been trying to get back
its not here
and i wonder if thats the only thing that stays the same
the only thing in life that doesn't change
life moves on and doesnt stop for no one
i've been at this standstill
like the ones in movies
where everyone rushes around you
and yur in the middle
still slowly moving through crowds
slowly moving through life

Day 1

Breath

silent walls keep hidden secrets
but they never respond
never react to the emotions you're feeling -- krd__*

my heads pounding with regret
words cant explain
mouths dont move
we dont speak
we just breath
breath in the silence
hoping to exhale
whats just happened
my hand wants to reach over
to the nearest object throw it across the room
hear it smash against the floor
broken falling to pieces
like me
but i don't move
and if it weren't for you
words would fly through every corner
bounce of every wall
i would say it all
but i just sit i just breath
holding in everything

Secret in a Bottle

There's so much that you don't say
so much you keep hidden away
you're like a bottle off in the sea
alone and silent holding
the secret messege inside
away from the damadge
i could be