Lastly

it`s true the way that you smile makes me die inside
and i quess its true the thinqs that you do make me wanna cry
buh i wont admit the way that yu make me feel
because i know thinqs like this aren`t real
silly qame of love we try to play buh
in the end these feelinqs dont stay
and all the thouqhts of you eventually qo away
i cant control myself when it comes to sayinq qoodbye
and even wen i try
to walk away from this
somethinq keeps pullinq me back
i dnt want to stay anymore
i dnt wanna be this way
but i dont want to feel lonley
and thats how i`ll be as soon as i leave


- wrote while listeninq to somewhere only we know by Keane

I called it

virqin lips smooth tounges
akward looks uncomfortable stares
messed up sheets breathing way to hard
pushinq away leadinq to angry glares
sexual tension fills the air
you caught me staring now you know i care
buh i caught yu lookinq back
started off as nothinq now endinq in somethinq
that we never wanted
somethinq that i dont need
we leave unsatisfied with more questions
and next time we meet aqain its another
uncomfortable situation
moving on now we see each other find love in others eyes
but when i see you
small flickers burn
and i try to walk away
but i`ve fallen despite the hard work
I find it impossible to believe
how difficult its been so far to leave

my type

so they asked me what i admire in a quy ?
never knew it was so difficult to find wah i wanted
didn't know it would be so difficult to find someone interesting
someone who would keep my mind of everyday things
didn't know it had to be so hard to find someone
who wasn't always tagging along
attatched to me as if i owned them
as if they were my pet
didn't know it would be so hard to find someone like that
someone who wasnt completly obsessed with me
someone who wouldn't care to yell at me to get angry
to call me annoying or to push me away
if i got to close or if they ignore me
when i need their attention
buh that its never enouqh to push me away from them
its just enouqh to leave me wantinq more
i'm not a flowers and dinner type of qirl
more like a niqht out drivinq around doinq wahever
just chilled back maybe that once in a while
do somethinq romantic like a niqht under the stars
but really can't a quy jus learn to hop off
to be less emotional aint i supposed to be the bitch
they`re supposed to have the dick
really now .

The Hurt They Don't See

why does it seem like no one understands
no one qets how everythinq hurts
no one understands wahs it like
as if yu died as if your qone away forever
like them yes yur just like them
the same and you made me cold
and I never knew that Icould be this way
closinq out those that wanna come in close
buh i push them away if i couldnt trust you
how can i trust them how could I believe them
and words beqin to pour now because theres no other way to say it
theres no other way for me to explain how
forgiveness is not an option
and i just wish that maybe everythinq could qo away
and that i could just move on
but it doesnt happen like that and people come and go
yes i know buh i was just hopinq that yu wasnt one of them
and no one yet seems to qet me like yu did
its me aqainst the world those who believe in me
and those who wouldnt
they wouldnt even try to qet me because im different
because im slightly complicated
but understand that in my head i completely make sense
no one understands
no they dont understand wah its like to lock everythinq inside
no they dont understand they never did
causinq pain on myself i need to go away
i need to move away no
how no one understands what its like
when love rejects you
yu dont understand how hard it is to find someone
no yu dont understand how they dnt qet me
and yu and me i say isnt qonna happen
and i leave them shattered buh i walk away head held hiqh
as if i`d won somethinq as if i hadn't just lost someone else
someone else that i cant have because they dont understand
no one understands what its like to be me
im not trying to end up like her
i dont want to be a failure
i dnt want to end up pregnant by some guy who i never really loved
who treats me like nothing and i put up with it because in the end
i have to look past that
hell no im not settling for less
ending up with someone and believinq its love
then qo behind their back and do somethinq dumb
no that was never how it played out in my mind
no, never but they wouldnt understand
how much pain i have to qo throuqh
they wouldnt understand how behind happy smiles
im slowly dyinq inside believe me yu wouldnt understand

& even in the darkest moments there is always light *

Compelling stories of a young girl

you my dear
are completely wrong
completely unbelievably
young and the young mind
does not comprehend the wise thoughts
of a hurting soul of a pending question
of lost hope
you my dear
are to young and must be trapped with locked doors
with barred windows with harsh words
to keep you safe from the hard world
to keep you dumb incomplete thoughts
unfinished sentences
you my dear are to young to understand
you are to young to walk in red 3 inches
high above the men you stand tall
you my dear are a woman
you are controlled and useless
only important to bare the pain of a new life
he is the man and you are the wife
slaving over kitchen counters and dirty laundry
you my dear are Hispanic
you are automatically illegal
you do not belong because your color
is slightly darker because your accent
is not wanted and i am chained
behind hundreds of people awaiting my failure
looking down waiting for the bump to arise from my shirt
because sex and labor is all I am good for
well let me tell you dear
your completely wrong

Before You Know

longing for what hurts the most
I pretend im in no hurry
but patiently i am waiting
seeking in vein
i save myself the worry
running away from those that love the most
i save myself from stitches
trying to heal the broken wounds
that never seem to fade
save my self the bandaids
the alcohol the burning pain
the pain i used to blow away
but now leaves scars that never seem to go away
never could allow myself to become one
with another with a lover
a passion never would allow myself to become
the heart broken the one that cries from a cut
given by another
i save myself the pain of love
i walk away and emotion less thoughts
corrupt my brain
my heart is cold with memories of long ago
and before yu know i'm gone

Kisses Like Love

no sin ever felt better then this one
kisses that reach every corner of my heart
like fire works on a hot day
lips soft eyes closed
i feel your arms beqin to tuq
i feel yu closer and farther i qo
and how i fall even more
how i wanna push yu away
and walk away buh i cant
feelinqs of all these years
built up inside
theres no way i could leave
now tears fall from my eyes
and they hit yur lips
as soon as they hit mine
but yu wipe away the pain
and yu take everythinq
take away my strenqth and my fiqhtyu took away from me my life