forever and always

stories are only words typed onto pages
pictures only pixels of color painted on paper
but this
this is different
it takes me away  from here
from this place
and i was there
i`ll be there
forever and always

NightLifee Photoqraphy

I don't Miss you

I was someone else for so long

i didn't know how to be myself

so i left everything behind

my old friends my old life

the old me the one I pretended to be

and now nothing bothers me

i don't miss you

I don't miss us

because i dont care anymore

i gave everyone a piece

of my life of my soul

but they all sucked it dry

they left me with hopes that

were never reached

i put it in all the work

to get nothing in return

no, i dont miss you at all

Life Happened

for a while they were my exception
and when i had mountains to climb
they would never be far behind
pushing me on whenever i decided to fall
they were supposed to be there through it all
but when life happened
and things began to change
he left he let me down
broke it off easy with no explination
and there you were
you were still there you told me it would be alright
and when we were on the phone and i would just cry
you made sure you promised me that i would forget
you told me it would take time but that this was life
people come and go
she would know
i would never leave her alone
but things happened life changed
and soon we walked around
perfect strangers
I would wave she would wave back
She would smile and i would smile back
but where was i when at night she began to cry
bruises covered every inch of her body
when the things i expected her to say
werent sed
it was over i was walking alone

falling

before you fall

make sure yu know

if the qround is

stronq enouqh to

walk on

John Mayer

"Who says I cant get stoned?
Call up a girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I cant get stoned?"

Flashbacks

I was holding onto bits and pieces of the past
its hard to forget buh how long will this last
these little flashbacks i have they don't
leave me alone they dont let me let go


" Y de repente saliste tu en mi mente "

Censored

it came out of thin air
like magic
don't know what it was that brouqht back the memory
i can hear the engine revving
i can see your face
it was like finding a photograph
the ones that you hide under piles of paper and mess
you hide it in the past and pray for the best
hoping it never comes back
it was a picture i wanted to forget
you were smiling at me
sticking your tounge out jokingly
back then it had seemed so sweet
so sincere it seemed real just seeing what i wanted
but once again i had censored the truth
leaving myself to believe in fantasy

Table of contents- 3

April - Best friends for Never
May - Hurt
June - Realizing
July - "And as quick as it came, it went"
Auqust - Raw
September- Finding myself
October - Happy
November - the Past

Perception

I overlooked any imperfections because

I was still holding onto what I had created you to be

I created the perfect us

But there is a difference between
the truth and a lie

while one is reality

the other was a figment of my imagination

I saw past everything that was terribly wrong

Everything that was falling apart

And I only saw what I wanted

So the ending was not what I had expected

Because I was not seeing it for what it truely was

I made it seem so perfect

I had made it seem-unbreakable

But there it was falling apart and already

I had forgiven you

Because I did not want to lose
what for so long

I had worked so hard to make

And now thinking about it realizing

How stupid, how naïve, how blind I was

It shows me how this wasn’t supposed to work at all

I forced something that was not supposed to happen

And I’m done looking at what I had imagined

Its time to step back into reality
& see things for what they really are

note to god

dear god,
i gave up i walked away from you and now you to me are a symbol people hold on to when everything else is lost. please tell me where were you when my sister got sick with cancer. when my little eight year old sister layed in bed getting shots and i saw her slowly dying on the hospital bed. where were you then when i needed you most. i couldnt face her. i didnt like seeing her that way i didnt want to lose her. because no matter what she was my sister and then it didnt matter when she screamed back at me not listening to what i was saying it didnt matter when she got me in trouble for things that she had done. you werent there when my family was slowly breaking apart. where were you when she was getting picked on at school. someone who has been through so much at a young age to have to go through things that no eight year old should go through. Where were you when people stared and pointed and laughed and she would come home crying because she didnt understand why people could be so mean. Where were you when she kept to herself when she felt like she had to hide herself from the world because she was afraid of how they would judge her bald and pale and sick. you weren't there at all. You were never there. so no i don't thank you for her being alive and disabled i thank the people who saved her life.

First Time

have you ever been let down 
or dissapointed in the way things turned out
something you expected to be amazing
turned out to be so ordinary
so normal

all of it was anticipation it was like 

riding a roller coaster for the first time

the hype you had created in your head
about how it would be

the excitement of finally being able to ride it

and then realizing when it was over 

it was not at all what you had expected

it wasn't like the movies

my heart didn't stop 

i wasn't out of element 

i was there and it was like every other

kiss it was meaningless
pointless and forever and always
added to the list of what never was

theFray

"I never knew I never knew that everything was falling through that everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth "

findMe

I've decided im going to buy myself a sharpie and im qoinq to write the url to my blog around random places that i qo [: so more people know about itt [:

i thnk its a qreat ideaa