note to god

dear god,
i gave up i walked away from you and now you to me are a symbol people hold on to when everything else is lost. please tell me where were you when my sister got sick with cancer. when my little eight year old sister layed in bed getting shots and i saw her slowly dying on the hospital bed. where were you then when i needed you most. i couldnt face her. i didnt like seeing her that way i didnt want to lose her. because no matter what she was my sister and then it didnt matter when she screamed back at me not listening to what i was saying it didnt matter when she got me in trouble for things that she had done. you werent there when my family was slowly breaking apart. where were you when she was getting picked on at school. someone who has been through so much at a young age to have to go through things that no eight year old should go through. Where were you when people stared and pointed and laughed and she would come home crying because she didnt understand why people could be so mean. Where were you when she kept to herself when she felt like she had to hide herself from the world because she was afraid of how they would judge her bald and pale and sick. you weren't there at all. You were never there. so no i don't thank you for her being alive and disabled i thank the people who saved her life.