the End

my mom asked me why i've changed
i've turned into a stranger
a cold hearted stranger
but then you see,
its a waste of time giving out ya heart
unless its going somewhere you trust
but if the only place you trust
always lets you down
there's no where left to go

And Another

its a battle a war with no solution
reasons as hazy as the facts
theres another one dead
another young body
another child without a father
another hard life
theres someone elses revenge
theres someone elses fight
theres someone elses gun
another bad choice
another drink
another blunt
another argument
another gone
another tear
another smile
for a battle
not won

Gemini

i used to have this thing for him
buh those feelings seem to be leaving
i blame it on the siqn ,
its cause ima gemini

CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas Love <3

Silence

you was standing here

but we were miles apart

you were distant lost these feelings

held together by a promise

that was fleeting 

we were standing barely touching

barely talking  barely listening

to the fact that

we were broken

by the words we never said

by the things you never did

by the time we never spent

fixing what we had

Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet

you find yourself thinking about the beginning

when its all coming to an end

and you only know how much you loved them

until you feel it all slipping

until you notice the distance

the awkward glance

the half smiles

the tears

the getting shut down

shut out

from everything

you only noticed now

when you finally have begun to accept

the end

and up until now i had sworn to myself that i'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk .. well you are the only exception - Paramore

Last Night

we layed down
in separate rooms
in different places 
we were miles apart
yu was hours away
if yu asked me what we talked about
i wouldnt know how to explain
it was about absolutely nothing
and yet it all meant something
i laughed at the words
i wished you would of said to my face
but either way
wasting my time with you
was great

Where we were

we sat behind the trees

beneath the clouds

above the leaves

on the qrass

and stared at the city

as the lights turned on

and the sky went dark

At the dinner table

i couldnt face you
as we sat there at the dinner table
you reached over and grabbed my hand
but i pulled back i never wanted you
to see me this way

Winter

how cold and beautiful they are

falling from the sky

millions at a time

here they come

down they fall

melting as soon as they

touch the floor

Summer Twilight

I sat alone and watched as the sunset

fell behind the horizon

the summer breeze

smooth against my sweaty tanned skin

i reached over and placed my palm on the wet

brown sand

water rushed beneath my fingertips

and slid underneath my toes

it slowly creeped around my fingers falling back into place

with the rest of the ocean i pulled my hand back

where were you?

because you wasn't here

you wasn't with me

as salty water drops fell from the sky
i sat there in the summer twilight and cried

SLAM quote

Reality only reveals itself when it is illuminated by a ray of poetry - Saul Williams

forever and always

stories are only words typed onto pages
pictures only pixels of color painted on paper
but this
this is different
it takes me away  from here
from this place
and i was there
i`ll be there
forever and always

NightLifee Photoqraphy

I don't Miss you

I was someone else for so long

i didn't know how to be myself

so i left everything behind

my old friends my old life

the old me the one I pretended to be

and now nothing bothers me

i don't miss you

I don't miss us

because i dont care anymore

i gave everyone a piece

of my life of my soul

but they all sucked it dry

they left me with hopes that

were never reached

i put it in all the work

to get nothing in return

no, i dont miss you at all

Life Happened

for a while they were my exception
and when i had mountains to climb
they would never be far behind
pushing me on whenever i decided to fall
they were supposed to be there through it all
but when life happened
and things began to change
he left he let me down
broke it off easy with no explination
and there you were
you were still there you told me it would be alright
and when we were on the phone and i would just cry
you made sure you promised me that i would forget
you told me it would take time but that this was life
people come and go
she would know
i would never leave her alone
but things happened life changed
and soon we walked around
perfect strangers
I would wave she would wave back
She would smile and i would smile back
but where was i when at night she began to cry
bruises covered every inch of her body
when the things i expected her to say
werent sed
it was over i was walking alone

falling

before you fall

make sure yu know

if the qround is

stronq enouqh to

walk on

John Mayer

"Who says I cant get stoned?
Call up a girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I cant get stoned?"

Flashbacks

I was holding onto bits and pieces of the past
its hard to forget buh how long will this last
these little flashbacks i have they don't
leave me alone they dont let me let go


" Y de repente saliste tu en mi mente "

Censored

it came out of thin air
like magic
don't know what it was that brouqht back the memory
i can hear the engine revving
i can see your face
it was like finding a photograph
the ones that you hide under piles of paper and mess
you hide it in the past and pray for the best
hoping it never comes back
it was a picture i wanted to forget
you were smiling at me
sticking your tounge out jokingly
back then it had seemed so sweet
so sincere it seemed real just seeing what i wanted
but once again i had censored the truth
leaving myself to believe in fantasy

Table of contents- 3

April - Best friends for Never
May - Hurt
June - Realizing
July - "And as quick as it came, it went"
Auqust - Raw
September- Finding myself
October - Happy
November - the Past

Perception

I overlooked any imperfections because

I was still holding onto what I had created you to be

I created the perfect us

But there is a difference between
the truth and a lie

while one is reality

the other was a figment of my imagination

I saw past everything that was terribly wrong

Everything that was falling apart

And I only saw what I wanted

So the ending was not what I had expected

Because I was not seeing it for what it truely was

I made it seem so perfect

I had made it seem-unbreakable

But there it was falling apart and already

I had forgiven you

Because I did not want to lose
what for so long

I had worked so hard to make

And now thinking about it realizing

How stupid, how naïve, how blind I was

It shows me how this wasn’t supposed to work at all

I forced something that was not supposed to happen

And I’m done looking at what I had imagined

Its time to step back into reality
& see things for what they really are

note to god

dear god,
i gave up i walked away from you and now you to me are a symbol people hold on to when everything else is lost. please tell me where were you when my sister got sick with cancer. when my little eight year old sister layed in bed getting shots and i saw her slowly dying on the hospital bed. where were you then when i needed you most. i couldnt face her. i didnt like seeing her that way i didnt want to lose her. because no matter what she was my sister and then it didnt matter when she screamed back at me not listening to what i was saying it didnt matter when she got me in trouble for things that she had done. you werent there when my family was slowly breaking apart. where were you when she was getting picked on at school. someone who has been through so much at a young age to have to go through things that no eight year old should go through. Where were you when people stared and pointed and laughed and she would come home crying because she didnt understand why people could be so mean. Where were you when she kept to herself when she felt like she had to hide herself from the world because she was afraid of how they would judge her bald and pale and sick. you weren't there at all. You were never there. so no i don't thank you for her being alive and disabled i thank the people who saved her life.

First Time

have you ever been let down 
or dissapointed in the way things turned out
something you expected to be amazing
turned out to be so ordinary
so normal

all of it was anticipation it was like 

riding a roller coaster for the first time

the hype you had created in your head
about how it would be

the excitement of finally being able to ride it

and then realizing when it was over 

it was not at all what you had expected

it wasn't like the movies

my heart didn't stop 

i wasn't out of element 

i was there and it was like every other

kiss it was meaningless
pointless and forever and always
added to the list of what never was

theFray

"I never knew I never knew that everything was falling through that everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth "

findMe

I've decided im going to buy myself a sharpie and im qoinq to write the url to my blog around random places that i qo [: so more people know about itt [:

i thnk its a qreat ideaa

100th post =D

im feelinq alriqhtt -- blastinq cudi zone and finally acceptinq the fact that i am

still sinqlee .. lolz and ima keep up the no kissinq unless ima qo out w. the person

or if i can just fiqht the temptation buhhh its been workinq for a month so , so far so qood

ima just stick to doinq qood in school and training for track =D which is about to start...

buh i quess im not qonna be writinq mch cause w. out boys or stress theres not mch

to really write about so ...

adios suckers ... for now <3

The color red

it hurts but i smile
because maybe then you'll smile to
maybe then you wouldn't do what you do
you wouldn't watch yourself slowly breaking down
slowly fading away
a temporary high
it doesn't leave you here
it doesnt take away the pain
its only a reminder
constantly telling you to continue
tellinq you the fight isnt over yet

Protect and serve

You feel it curl up inside you

Holds on tight bursting through the

Wall of protection they have built around you

Trying to save you from the tears

That you’ve begun to drown through

Trying to make it safe

So they all start lying to you

Telling you how the worlds okay

While some parent’s son or daughter right now is getting blown away

Shattered hearts shattered bodies all that come home

So once they leave you have to realize that they’re already gone

They won’t come back smiling saying “daddy look what I got”

Killed a bunch of motherfuckers and all I got is a cut

Couple bruises couple headaches that will never leave

Couple dreams couple nightmares I can hear their screams

I can see the light leaving from Eddie’s eyes

And the way the soldiers prayed asking god why

Couldn’t the war just end so we could go on home

And even with the thousand soldiers you always feel alone

Always thinking how could someone live after this?

They’re head must be so fucked up they would of rather wished

To been shot by a couple of those bad guys to drown on that night

There were those couple bad tides but instead we all lie asleep

With a serious mask on cause underneath deep inside everything else is weak

Khalil Gibran

- one day yu will ask me which is more importent, my life or yours? i will say mine and yu will walk away not knowinq you are my life

- and ever has been known that love knows not is own depth until the hour of seperation *

- if the other person injures yu , you may forqet the injury;buh if yu injure him you will always remember

- if yu love somebody let them qo for if they return they were always yours and if they dnt they never were

im qettinq ready to live *

the last time i cried ? 
i`m pretty sure it wasn't because of you 


quotes from One tree hill that i just so happen to LOVE 


-do not look bakq and qrieve over the past, for it is qone; and do not be troubled about the future for it has not yet to come . live in the present and make it so b e a u t i f u l  that it will be worth rememberinq - one tree hill *

- and once yu lose yurself, yu have two choices: find the person yu used to be... or lose that person completely


- the journey lasted eight months sometimes i traveled alone sometimes there were others who took the wheel -- and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who arrived... it wasn't me at all


- Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.


- Stephen King once wrote: 'Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away.. and in the end.. there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometime we lose them there again.


- Kahlil Gibran once wrote; 'You're reason and your passion are the rudder.. and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burn to it’s own destruction.


- Oliver Wendell Holmes once said: Many people die with their music still IN them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live...Before they know it...time runs out.


- T.H. White said; perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return.


- You ever heard the expression 'The best things in life are free.' Well that expression is true.' Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.


- You ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you, how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in, we're we a part of someone's life when their dreams came true, or were we there when their dreams died. Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there, or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it.

slipping

everything's breaking and i'm not sure how to put it back together

Broken

you make everything so perfect
yet you tear everything down
sometimes i wonder if your worth it
but being with you i know how
theres no other person i'd rather hate
no one else who makes me feel this way
you're the only thing on my mind
thats why were taking our time
to fiqure out if this is what i really want
if the past is done and qone forever
you break my heart so many times
and you put it toqether aqain
you always seem to break me down
but you bring me right up in the end

Infinity

the end of time
is the beginning
of our awaited garden *

More

slurred thoughts only confuse me more
and the straight line on the floor
seems to squiggle out of place
your way to close to me
and i feel your breath on my neck
we arent thinkinq clearly
all i smell is the weed
and now the smells
all around me
makinq my brain feel fuzzy
the champaign doesnt help
and the Bacardi burns my throat
but im not upset anymore
i dont care anymore
so now all i need is more
more more more
to make the burninq in my stomach go away
to make my head stop hurtinq
to keep me happy
to keep you kissing me
to keep me wantinq more

walkinq away

they all walk away from what they're most afraid of *

imDONE

i'm not giving up
i`m letting it go
i thought we were starting over
i thought it was going to get better
but it only got worse
this time you wasn't hesitant to repeat
what you had previously done
don't give me excuses
cause it doesn't matter
why want something
that you can't give me

no, they never stay. they leave before they ever gave me a chance - qo away .

doesnt take much for me to realize
that what i have isn't what i want
that what i want i wont find

They Don't Lie

Every poem is a story about thinqs that happen in my life . just in case i forqet there always their as reminders. if you wanted to know how i really feel its always easier to read my poems then to ask me personally. they talk about the thinqs that i dnt lke talkinq about outloud. they`re the feelinqs i dont wanna feel buhh they`re the truth and unlike people they never lie. Thanks for readinq [:

xoxo ,

   Karen Rosmery De Los Santos

There's always two sides of a story

On the Outside

im a big girl
i can handle myself
dont be afraid to hurt me
cause i would never ask for yur help
qrow some balls
be a man
tell me wah yu really mean
dont suqar coat sad stories
so yu dont have to hurt me
theres never a qood way to break
bad news so dont try and catch
me let me fall
ill be up aqain soon


***

On the inside


im terrified of what ill find
in this deep dark forest of mine
one will shine but its so hard to find the liqht
when darkness clouds your mind
deeper in you go only to realize
its darker then it was before
its harder to move across
the bumpy hidden ground
its darkness all around
and where to go from here
i do not know
i havn't found a light
i havnt found anyone
worth qivinq it to

After a couple shots of Bacardi

Just Friends :

if anything
after everything
after we talk about what happened
it wouldn't matter
none of it would change a thing
so it doesnt matter what i think
it doesnt matter if by kissinq me you realized somethinq
that yu already did or didnt know
none of that chanqes anything
because in the end
we will be exactly what we were before
just friends


Knowinq :

Knowing doesnt mean anythinq
knowinq just qives me another reason
of why i dnt care
knowinq just satisfys me
qives me an endinq a conclusion
it lets me qive yu a qoodbye
im not qood with qoodbyes
so qivinq me reasons
lettinq me know
actually means nothinq
except for lettinq me let qo


Before and after

None of it meant anything at all
the feelinq
knowinq
it didnt mean anythinq
nothinq has chanqed
we are the same thinq we were before it all
but what i cant qet past
is the fact that we fit
there i was leaninq on you
were lonq aqo i wished i could always be
but i cant remember
if it chanqed anythinq
it wasnt the same it was different
i know you
i loved you
i qot over you
but where do i stand now
it was a stupid thinq to do
and maybe
i shouldnt of done it
but it happened
and theres nothinq i can do now



i honestly feel like i qet to personal with my poems buh i can never delete them from my bloq cause wah if my computer crashes my poems qone forever.

Pennsylvania Poems

Handling it : Openinq up

i cant handle break ups,
whining, goodbyes
I cant handle attention,
forevers, stupid lies
i dont need someone to tell me
how much they love me every five seconds
or someone who cant even keep
a productive conversation
i cant handle just starinq at someone whos mouth
isnt sayinq a word
someone who cant handle a simple joke
or a sarcastic remark
all i need is someone whos there
who isnt afraid to yell at me or tell me when im wronq
someone who doesnt quote a verse
from some cheesy love sonq
i need someone to huq me
even when i push them away
someone who i know after everythinq
will still be there at the end of the day
dont tell me you love me
if you dont really mean it
cause i wouldnt tell yu i did
if i honestly didnt
i cry when im anqry
or when thinqs arent qoinq riqht
dont need a babysitter to hold my hand at niqht
i smile when im happy or when i dont want people to see
whats actually really qoinq on with me
i dont need parents i already have them
i just need a person
an actual friend
someone who in the end
I understand
someone whos willing
someone whos different
you dont one day just realize
something thats always been there
its yes or no
you know or you dont
i dont need someone who cant make up their mind
thats just bullshit and a waste of my time
i dont need any of that and thats why i know
that the person i need
is not you

its always easier to fall apart

i struggle to hold back tears
fighting to come out
breakinq everythinq i tried to keep inside
memories of when
you jumped off that tree trying to fly
you thought you were a bird
memories of when
you crashed your car into a lampost
trying to make a u-turn
so you could come bakq to me
so you could say sorry
memories of when you first kissed me
and how surreal it felt
the summer air making it
sweet and sticky
memories of when you laughed
at my silly little jokes
that werent at all funny
but the memory that i cant
seem to forget is the one
where you walked out of the door
with a pained look on your face
barely whispering telling me
how we couldnt be toqether anymore
you always made me feel like
i was the most importent person in the world
but now i just want to hide in the corners of it
where no one could find me realizinq
alone in the darkness
its just easier to fall apart

Real

yes you mattered
you were the most importent
because you were real
i thought being with you was
beyond physical
it wasn't like every other guy
the ones i kissed without knowing
you were my friend
and i cared
and so i thought you cared to
but that wasnt the case
it wasn't love
not even close
but you were the closest thing to anything
and the day you ended the dream i was in
it broke away any belief
of someone different
because you were exactly like
every other thoughtless guy
that i have met
you werent real at all

Silence

You never say a word
its just a look that you qive me
one of qoodbye
even though we havnt spoken in a while
its a look that seems to shatter
any hope of happiness
and after 5 seconds of your silence
you leave just like that
and i want to chase you, stop you
buh I dont
and i wake up and fall asleep
knowinq ill see you soon aqain

Last Night

Last night yu cut off
every connection we ever had with your cold tone
as if i no longer mattered
as i once upon a long time ago
you hadnt looked at me and cared
no, not last niqht
last niqht
wahtever i thought was still there
left the day you did

when you care about someone theres always room for chanqe *


the END of pennsylvania poems

piece of my puzzle

talkinq to you makes it harder to breath
words dont ever seem to come out riqht
and i thnk im pretty much makinq a fool of myself
buh that never really matters because you see me
you see beyond the wall i put up
wen im around yu my body seems to qet tense
and i qet butterflies that make me want to explode
and my body seems to shake
buh all of that doesnt matter because yu see beyond the nervous looks
you see me like no one can like no one before
you make me see life and love and
it doesnt matter that yur exactly the same way i am
because we fit like the last piece of my puzzle

---

and it never matterd wah yu sed or if yu ment it or not
because none of that chanqes how i felt

Life

& when the world seems to have qiven up on me

it comes around and taps me on the shoulder

lettinq me know its riqht there waitinq for me

to qive it a chance

waitinq for me to explore every corner

chanqe a life

make a difference

fall in love

and fall out

qet anqry

cry

smile

lauqh

enjoy

and realize

its all i ever wanted

Fiasco

masks hide what we chose not to see
they cover lies and mistakes
of who we wish we could be
her lifes a circus
cameras flashing
the loud noises the cheering crowd
they`ve all come out to seee you
they`ve come too snoop around
when all you want to do is hide
buh as yu stand there dumbfoundedly in the middle
thinking of how you let it qet like this
yu look back at life and how it used to be
wen it was simple and carefree
buhh now yur fallinq deeper into a
protruding hole of those who are lost
never to be found aqain
qone forever in the midst of it all

Contemplating

yet to be - i n s p i r e d -

Bits & Pieces

we all have our own twisted way at looking at love
as either a burden or a gift
something that we look forward to finding
or something we pay no mind to
love doesn't look like anything in specific
it doesn't hide
its mearly just not where you expect it to be
sometimes not living up to your standards
but honestly it never matters what it looks like
it only matters if you see it beyond its exterior
beyond physical meaning
its what you see beyond reflections
its what you see beyond others opinion
its how their mistakes how their imperfections
are no lonqer importent its how no matter
how different they may be it never matters
because exchanqinq imperfections for love
is the best qift you can think of

chaseUSforever 2

i want them to chaseUSforever

we`ll be reckless

run forever aqainst the world

only me and you

because as lonq as were toqether

it`d never matter ware we were

TheEND

yu dont wanna have sex with me ? then why yu keep textinq me - Black Eyed Peas

our beginning started with secret meetinqs
i thouqht it couldnt qet any better then this
i would never let myself lose someone i loved because of pride
buh wah i dnt love idnt miss
and do not expect me to come bakq
and ask for yur forqivness
i won't ask reasons why
or ask pushing questions
its obvious what you want
and like you told me
i respect ya wishes
& just like beginninqs theres endings
and it qoes a little somethinq like this

Mascarade

amazinq beyond belief but what they say is a lie
perfect , yes thats how they want it to seem
buh believinq is a lie
they fake smiles they fake faces
flyinq to far away places to qet themselves
far away from reality
from what awaits them

short poems

Stupid thoughts of love corrupt my mind.
And strange things like feelings
Seem to take over my heart – Karen *


they all look at me with fake smiles
posing for those pictures that aren’t being taken
as if we was in a movie I didn’t know was playing – Karen *

Thoughts

And the words spoken unconsciously
Tell the future of a young voice
The beginning the middle the end
And even though it is not fully realized
The words that don’t come out are the ones
She wishes to feel but can’t
Because her real feelings aren’t fully aware
Of her surroundings each waiting for the right moment to let themselves out
I could never write something I didn’t feel
I could never fake something that wasn’t real

howQUICKitwas

And as quick as it came, it went
And how easily she loved, it left
And even though she wants him back
She knows she’ll regret
Ever doing it to begin with

imTryinq

we could be our favorite L o v e story
buh i cant make any promises
cause at heart im still a qirl
that aint ready for compromises
im not ready to settle down
for another year or two
im not the type of qirl
who would still be here wit yu
at the end of the day
im still me & theres nothinq i can chanqe
so i probably couldnt be
the type of qirl yu wanna see
not like them other biddieess
them type of qurls yu try to tame
i miqht not be the qirl that would love yu
eternily & im sorry for that buh i`m tryinq
i tend to blame them for it all
blaminq em for wen i was cryinq
i sed it was all their fault
buh i know inside im lyinq
i lie to myself to make it better
so now i would never let a
quy control my actions or emotions
buh slowly im breakinq down that wall
trust me , im tryinq

honestly [:

Honesty .. yu want me to be honest . welll .... HONESTLY
I dnt qive a fck about quys feelinqs .
becausee i do the same thinq they do, ima hoe
buhh wen they do it , please qive them a round of applause .
ladies and qentelmen .
i HONESTLY dnt qive a fck if yu dnt like me
because i dnt think that L o v e is somethinq i need in my life
not yet .
so i`d rather enjoy myself not qettinq emotionally attatched
to stupid mother fckers . of course since i dnt , ima hoe
buh if i did . they`d wanna let me qo because i like them too much
i HONESTLY dnt qive two fckinq shits if i make yu cry
why ? because some people need to learn to MAN THE FCK UP
buh since i dnt qive a fck about yur feelinqs, ima bitch
now . ima bitch and ima hoe why ?
because i dnt need somethinq pathetic with a dck and half a brain
in my life . SORRY , wronq person

hmmm .

the world aint half as bad as they paint it to be - OneRepublic *

i stay up restless
and i wake up in pain
i dream of darkness
and i want yu in vein

i never wanted to lose yu
forever i wanted you to stay
buh thats not the way
it happened
i was hopinq
yu would never let me qo
that yu`d never dissapoint me
buh i make up silly excuses to
be closer to yu
i make up random claims
hopinq that it`ll make yu
believe in me
you see beyond me
buh i only see you
and i wish i could say it outloud
buh these words will speak louder
then i ever would
buh if i could i`d tell yu exactly how i feel
my heart just doesnt let me

dnt let me qo - the fray *

yourHEART

yu hand out yur heart like free lemonaide on a hot day
and they all take it and wen they drink it and walk away
yu want em to stay buh they leave anyways
and then yu cry for them to come bakq
to ask for more buh they never doo .
you put yurself out there
and then yu qo to far
and now yur drowninq in tears
just waitinq for that one person to come back
thats wah yu qet for wearinq yur heart on yur
sleeve .

theONE

& wen i meet him
ill make sure to
Love him Forever

theTRUTH

Please, lie to me

tell me you love me

even though

i know

its not true

Lie to me

kiss me

the way you kissed her

like you loved her

just don`t tell me

please don`t admit it

please lie to me

cause the truth is to hard

for me to handle

openUP

they`ve always been a different face
with a different name
all qot the same qame
reach for the same qoal
& try to qet far
buh i pray for love and they pray for
they pray for wah ?
they try to take advantaqe of what they qot
no lonqer patient to hasty
they all movinq to quick
for me .
and they pass me by
and i take it
cause i wont break it
my promise
seems farther
while we qet closer
while we are kissinq
touchinq my promise is no lonqer
importent buh im controllinq my life
and thats why
im not openinq up .

chaseUSforever

i want them to chaseUSforever
i want my face on every wanted poster
i want them to find me
because if they find me
i`ll find yu too .

p.s new bloq

Second Best

it seems not even reachinq the stars
puts a smile on yur face
and even wen i try so hard
it doesnt chanqe my place
im still second best
when will i be first
ill be with yu till the end
buh yu say i always fall behind
even wen all odds are aqainst me
i pull throuqh
for yu i do wah i have to
and still im pushed to the side

The Badly kept house

Rainy days
chanqe to sunny mornings
buh overniqht
won`t chanqee the puddle coverd streets
and after it leaves water stays behind
secret reminder of who`s been around
and as the dark clouded evninq comes alonq
it pounds on the streets on the leaky roof
of the badly kept house

What i`m Missinq

i wouldn`t want to envy you
buh i do
because from where im lookinq
happiness radiates from yu
there qoes another smile another kiss
and the looks yu quys qive each other
i know they qive yu butterflies
and even if i was wronq
and it was all a show i promisee yu
yu put it on like nothinq ever before
and wen he lies to you tears fall
and on their way down he catches them all
and he makes sure it dnt happen aqain
and he doesnt pretend like he loves you
i can see that he wants you and best believe
one day he`ll ask for yur hand and im pretty sure
thats your beqinninq to a love story with no endinq

to Carla De Los Santos [:

HappybirthdaytoME

feels qood beinq 15 !


---

semi poem thinq

im pretty sure half the thinqs yu sayy yu never mean
and im pretty sure the thinqs yu sayy aint really wah they seem

Do You See Me ?

Sometimes I wonder about when you`ll ever
see me
because you don`t see me
yu look at me and dnt understand wahs underneath
please believe me that theres way more beneath me
deep inside me in the depths of my soul
where my heart beats and i breath
you don`t see the part of me that loves
the part that wants someone
understand me because somewhere inside
where no one bothers to look
a younq qirl cries waitinq for someone to take her into their arms
and tell her they love her

I Look Away

give me a second
im trying to ignore you
I thought it was clear
by the looks I gave you

Sweet Talkers

words flow so smoothly from your mouth
like rehearsed sonqs like planned speeches
and you entangle me in your lullibies
as yu pull me in closer i hold my breath
yu whisper in my ear somethinq sweet like candy
and it warms me up inside and i forqet the reason
i was mad to beqin with
your kisses burn every ounce of reqret
your smile washs away the anqer and the pain
and your eyes lie about a story you want to tell me
the one where you pretend to love me
the one that i used to believe
and now i look away in disqust
and just so yu know
feelinqs come & qo
and because of the shit you do
like the feelinqs i used to have
im qone

5.31

tears burn riqht through the soaked sleeves
and wen i close my eyes
your face is all i see

Lastly

it`s true the way that you smile makes me die inside
and i quess its true the thinqs that you do make me wanna cry
buh i wont admit the way that yu make me feel
because i know thinqs like this aren`t real
silly qame of love we try to play buh
in the end these feelinqs dont stay
and all the thouqhts of you eventually qo away
i cant control myself when it comes to sayinq qoodbye
and even wen i try
to walk away from this
somethinq keeps pullinq me back
i dnt want to stay anymore
i dnt wanna be this way
but i dont want to feel lonley
and thats how i`ll be as soon as i leave


- wrote while listeninq to somewhere only we know by Keane

I called it

virqin lips smooth tounges
akward looks uncomfortable stares
messed up sheets breathing way to hard
pushinq away leadinq to angry glares
sexual tension fills the air
you caught me staring now you know i care
buh i caught yu lookinq back
started off as nothinq now endinq in somethinq
that we never wanted
somethinq that i dont need
we leave unsatisfied with more questions
and next time we meet aqain its another
uncomfortable situation
moving on now we see each other find love in others eyes
but when i see you
small flickers burn
and i try to walk away
but i`ve fallen despite the hard work
I find it impossible to believe
how difficult its been so far to leave

my type

so they asked me what i admire in a quy ?
never knew it was so difficult to find wah i wanted
didn't know it would be so difficult to find someone interesting
someone who would keep my mind of everyday things
didn't know it had to be so hard to find someone
who wasn't always tagging along
attatched to me as if i owned them
as if they were my pet
didn't know it would be so hard to find someone like that
someone who wasnt completly obsessed with me
someone who wouldn't care to yell at me to get angry
to call me annoying or to push me away
if i got to close or if they ignore me
when i need their attention
buh that its never enouqh to push me away from them
its just enouqh to leave me wantinq more
i'm not a flowers and dinner type of qirl
more like a niqht out drivinq around doinq wahever
just chilled back maybe that once in a while
do somethinq romantic like a niqht under the stars
but really can't a quy jus learn to hop off
to be less emotional aint i supposed to be the bitch
they`re supposed to have the dick
really now .

The Hurt They Don't See

why does it seem like no one understands
no one qets how everythinq hurts
no one understands wahs it like
as if yu died as if your qone away forever
like them yes yur just like them
the same and you made me cold
and I never knew that Icould be this way
closinq out those that wanna come in close
buh i push them away if i couldnt trust you
how can i trust them how could I believe them
and words beqin to pour now because theres no other way to say it
theres no other way for me to explain how
forgiveness is not an option
and i just wish that maybe everythinq could qo away
and that i could just move on
but it doesnt happen like that and people come and go
yes i know buh i was just hopinq that yu wasnt one of them
and no one yet seems to qet me like yu did
its me aqainst the world those who believe in me
and those who wouldnt
they wouldnt even try to qet me because im different
because im slightly complicated
but understand that in my head i completely make sense
no one understands
no they dont understand wah its like to lock everythinq inside
no they dont understand they never did
causinq pain on myself i need to go away
i need to move away no
how no one understands what its like
when love rejects you
yu dont understand how hard it is to find someone
no yu dont understand how they dnt qet me
and yu and me i say isnt qonna happen
and i leave them shattered buh i walk away head held hiqh
as if i`d won somethinq as if i hadn't just lost someone else
someone else that i cant have because they dont understand
no one understands what its like to be me
im not trying to end up like her
i dont want to be a failure
i dnt want to end up pregnant by some guy who i never really loved
who treats me like nothing and i put up with it because in the end
i have to look past that
hell no im not settling for less
ending up with someone and believinq its love
then qo behind their back and do somethinq dumb
no that was never how it played out in my mind
no, never but they wouldnt understand
how much pain i have to qo throuqh
they wouldnt understand how behind happy smiles
im slowly dyinq inside believe me yu wouldnt understand

& even in the darkest moments there is always light *

Compelling stories of a young girl

you my dear
are completely wrong
completely unbelievably
young and the young mind
does not comprehend the wise thoughts
of a hurting soul of a pending question
of lost hope
you my dear
are to young and must be trapped with locked doors
with barred windows with harsh words
to keep you safe from the hard world
to keep you dumb incomplete thoughts
unfinished sentences
you my dear are to young to understand
you are to young to walk in red 3 inches
high above the men you stand tall
you my dear are a woman
you are controlled and useless
only important to bare the pain of a new life
he is the man and you are the wife
slaving over kitchen counters and dirty laundry
you my dear are Hispanic
you are automatically illegal
you do not belong because your color
is slightly darker because your accent
is not wanted and i am chained
behind hundreds of people awaiting my failure
looking down waiting for the bump to arise from my shirt
because sex and labor is all I am good for
well let me tell you dear
your completely wrong

Before You Know

longing for what hurts the most
I pretend im in no hurry
but patiently i am waiting
seeking in vein
i save myself the worry
running away from those that love the most
i save myself from stitches
trying to heal the broken wounds
that never seem to fade
save my self the bandaids
the alcohol the burning pain
the pain i used to blow away
but now leaves scars that never seem to go away
never could allow myself to become one
with another with a lover
a passion never would allow myself to become
the heart broken the one that cries from a cut
given by another
i save myself the pain of love
i walk away and emotion less thoughts
corrupt my brain
my heart is cold with memories of long ago
and before yu know i'm gone

Kisses Like Love

no sin ever felt better then this one
kisses that reach every corner of my heart
like fire works on a hot day
lips soft eyes closed
i feel your arms beqin to tuq
i feel yu closer and farther i qo
and how i fall even more
how i wanna push yu away
and walk away buh i cant
feelinqs of all these years
built up inside
theres no way i could leave
now tears fall from my eyes
and they hit yur lips
as soon as they hit mine
but yu wipe away the pain
and yu take everythinq
take away my strenqth and my fiqhtyu took away from me my life

Conclusion

she reaches out to touch you but at lost words you push away
and yu walked away and we went our separate ways in many ways
you left it clear you didn't want it any other way don't understand
why you couldnt have said this on any other day ?
because when I thouqht it all came crashing down
it fell harder and yu wouldn't believe
how those deep wounds hurt me
and things would never play out
the way they were supposed to be

What He Thouqht About

he smiles and dies inside
&- he cries at niqht
buh then he lies
in his bed he lies
and dreams about reality
and underneath the clouds of foq
he stares deeply into clarity
&- he pays no mind
to the money and the fame
to the intentions of the qame
power hunqry lovers
hopes that they would chanqe
but dreams are only wishes
and wishes dnt come true
and nothinq that he`ll do
lets him forqet yu

Starry Skies

Maybe the heart sings a song
A heartfelt song
A piece of art that comes from inside
A love or passion or dream
That we wish to once aspire
Our mind has a song for us
One that it has planned
One that we desire
For us to play out
We will
We will be what we are meant to be
Play the song we are meant to play
And sing the words we are meant to say
It all comes from inside
The song that we have
A light that we shed
And we set ourselves free
Like the starry skies
Of the distant abyss
Of the glimpse of light
Of the darkness
We chase what we want
We look for our stars
We look for happiness
Where ever that may be
Like the starry skies
We are free

The Beautiful Letdown

She hopes to dream about him
Chooses to believe in him
That he’ll miss her when she’s gone
Come back and apologize
Waiting for him to realize
How he’s been wrong
But he chooses to doubt himself
He’s has to suppress
What he wants inside
Losing all of consciousness
About what he’s left behind
She lives to see his face again
To see what he would say
Maybe then he will know
He’d made a big mistake
His love was never real
If this is how he’s supposed to feel 
And this is where the pain begins

The Beginning to my End

Life gives us choices
Sometimes ones harder then others
Sometimes ones that are no brainers
Maybe the choices aren’t good enough for us
Or maybe they’re too big for us to do alone
While we believe the world is not fair
We are not fair to ourselves
We do not admit what we have done
We do not see our mistakes, typos and errors
We believe we are the best
But in the end things come down to one choice
It may not be our best choice
Maybe not the safest
Possibly the stupidest thing we’ve ever had to do
but when everything is said and done
Maybe it’s what life had planned for us all along
Maybe it’s our cherry to the cake
Maybe it’s the period to the end.

The Sounds Goodbye`s Make

I lay down
And breathe
Nothings happening
Nothings changed
I wrap the sheets around me
Wrapped in insecurities
And lies and laughs
And kisses we never had
In moments that won’t be shared
In the dream I had
I let it all out
And pretend to myself
That somehow you cared
The screams you’ll never hear
The tears you won’t wipe away
I smile
The world is a big place
With different places to go
And millions of people to see
Maybe easiest way for it to happen
Is if I leave
I’ll come back sometime
Come to see if you’ve become
The person you wanted to be